My mind begins to float as I grab my teacup
My heart races as I try to get my courage up
A breath in. A breath out. In. Out. Relax.
A sip. Close the eyes. Sit back.
Him. He’s back. It’s as if he never left.
Again the heart races; I take a sip.
My mind dances in memories as if bereft
Of dreams, fantasies that flutter and whip
Once foolish teenagers figuring out the world
Another sip from my cup as memories unfurl
Regrets begin to rise along with tears of pain
“If only,” I’d think – another sip – and more pain
He married one, I another; we both moved on
I take another sip like the drag of a cigarette
Dreams are false. Memories bygone
But not to him; they are reality dead set
Love, an illusion to me; reality to him
Putting the cup down my mind’s eye sees
Love as I want it, crave it, but a whim
Fear rises again, hopes are false the dreams freeze
I want what he wants but will it come true?
I see the teenagers we were; the adults we are
Both alone, kids grown, on their own they are
Both make do but both want a life brand-new
For me the fear rises; I pick up the cup
I wonder “what if”
He says “I’ll wait”
I drink from the cup and think “How long?”