My Dream – Mine

Had a dream of a husband, kids and being a stay at home mom…until the kids were at school.  We were in a large house in an upper-middle-class residential neighborhood in the Upper Midwest.  The schools were superb, the neighbors were excellent, crime was non-existent, the streets were wide and no cars were ever on the street.

Then, divorce.  That nightmare.  The house, that monstrosity of an albatross that needs a great deal of work and money to do that work must go – now.  But to escape the pain, I LEAVE.  Why?  Why did I leave?  I could have just re-invested the proceeds into the house I want NOW.

What I see now is what I truly want…a smaller, older home.  Nice and cozy – all have basements here.  Small garage for one car – it’s only me now. The kids are now grown.  I am divorced and am not re-married.

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I want to make this into MY home. No one else’s home.  MINE.  I want to decorate it the way I want it done.  No one fights me or argues with me – ok, advice and guidance I’ll allow.  But, in the end, it’s my call and when it’s all done, it’s MY creation.

Mine.  And, of course, MY mortgage payment, MY taxes, MY…everything.  I don’t mind that one bit.  Not at all.  I may be on my own but I want something to call my own without the aid of another.   Sure, I would like to travel to Ireland and other places.  But first, I must have a roof over my head that I can call my own.  Mine.

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If I had a regret at all, it would be this:  selling that albatross of a house then LEAVING.  I was running from pain rather than re-creating life with what I had.  I could have started over in another area where I WAS rather than running to another part of the country.  A bit extreme.  I would have been much better off; FAR better off than I was – and AM.  It’s been one fight after another financially.  I didn’t have to be in this predicament.  Not at all.

Yet, here I am.  While I can lament on the past, I can only focus on the here and now.  Now, I have a dream to focus on, which is more than I had even two months ago.

Progress, not perfection.  I’m getting there.

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