Had a dream of a husband, kids and being a stay at home mom…until the kids were at school. We were in a large house in an upper-middle-class residential neighborhood in the Upper Midwest. The schools were superb, the neighbors were excellent, crime was non-existent, the streets were wide and no cars were ever on the street.
Then, divorce. That nightmare. The house, that monstrosity of an albatross that needs a great deal of work and money to do that work must go – now. But to escape the pain, I LEAVE. Why? Why did I leave? I could have just re-invested the proceeds into the house I want NOW.
What I see now is what I truly want…a smaller, older home. Nice and cozy – all have basements here. Small garage for one car – it’s only me now. The kids are now grown. I am divorced and am not re-married.
I want to make this into MY home. No one else’s home. MINE. I want to decorate it the way I want it done. No one fights me or argues with me – ok, advice and guidance I’ll allow. But, in the end, it’s my call and when it’s all done, it’s MY creation.
Mine. And, of course, MY mortgage payment, MY taxes, MY…everything. I don’t mind that one bit. Not at all. I may be on my own but I want something to call my own without the aid of another. Sure, I would like to travel to Ireland and other places. But first, I must have a roof over my head that I can call my own. Mine.
If I had a regret at all, it would be this: selling that albatross of a house then LEAVING. I was running from pain rather than re-creating life with what I had. I could have started over in another area where I WAS rather than running to another part of the country. A bit extreme. I would have been much better off; FAR better off than I was – and AM. It’s been one fight after another financially. I didn’t have to be in this predicament. Not at all.
Yet, here I am. While I can lament on the past, I can only focus on the here and now. Now, I have a dream to focus on, which is more than I had even two months ago.
Progress, not perfection. I’m getting there.