After all of the self-doubt. After all of the planning. After all of the resume-writing. After all of the cold-calls. After all of the interviews. After all of the disappointments and heartaches, finally, we’re here at last.
Employed and on the job. I made it.
This is better than any natural solar eclipse. I’ve been in the mental equivalent of a solar eclipse for four years. I didn’t need to see one. I was a walking eclipse. Now, it’s time to show my new employers, the world and, most especially, myself, I can do this. I can heal. I am different than I was before. Before my mind thought it was the equivalent of a Corvette maxing out at 180 miles per hour at all hours of the day.
No one knows about that and doesn’t need to know about that either. It feels good to be alive. I now look back and see where I’ve come and think: why did I not want to be here? How could I not want this? I can laugh. I can feel joy. I can even dream of a future; a better one, a brighter one. I’m even thinking of being better in my role than I was before – training if you can believe it! I would not have considered that even SIX months ago. But now, it’s time to figure out where I fit into this organization. Where can I make my mark? How can I make my mark? Sure, it’s day two, but it’s time to kick butt. Turn some tail and get things moving.
But first, I have to figure out the phone system. A slight issue at the moment.
There’s so much I want to do. So much I want to say. So much I want to strive for. But now, I’m realizing…there’s only so much paycheck I can spend! Then there are the limits of my position – I don’t even know its full potential. But yet, I am so excited – so far. And I feel that is how life is – exciting, challenging, frustrating yet, rewarding at the same time. For all that is happening right now around the country and around the world, there is hope. There are possibilities. Good exists. Hope is alive. Even if it’s just in myself. And that’s what I wish to convey here in my writing. For even when I am down and it will show in my writing, there is still hope all around me, and all of us.
That is something to be cherished every single day.